Monday, September 10, 2012

On another note..



121 million people worldwide suffer from depression.

"You were created to love and be loved.  You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story.  You need to know that your life matters." -

Alright guys, this something i'm extremely passionate about. I'm someone who has struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and acting on them. There is HOPE!!! Reach out, let people know they are LOVED, they are needed, wanted, and share HOPE with the world. Also, be gentle with yourself. YOU are LOVED, worth living, and someone special. YOU are a living story..Don't give up. We need you!!

Are There Warning Signs of Suicide?

Warning signs that someone may be thinking about or planning to commit suicide include:
  • Always talking or thinking about death
  • Clinical depression -- deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating -- that gets worse
  • Having a "death wish," tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death, such as driving fast or running red lights
  • Losing interest in things one used to care about
  • Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless
  • Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, changing a will
  • Saying things like "it would be better if I wasn't here" or "I want out"
  • Sudden, unexpected switch from being very sad to being very calm or appearing to be happy
  • Talking about suicide or killing one's self
  • Visiting or calling people to say goodbye

Other risk factors for suicide include:
  • One or more prior suicide attempts
  • Family history of mental disorder or substance abuse
  • Family history of suicide
  • Family violence
  • Physical or sexual abuse
  • Keeping firearms in the home
  • Chronic physical illness, including chronic pain
  • Incarceration
  • Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others

My challenge to my friends is to reach out to someone.. Maybe you know them, maybe you dont.

We need to pick people UP instead of knocking them down.. let's do our part. Let's be the change we wish to see in the world. One step at a time..


This is an organization i'm also extremely passionate about. A portion of ALL of my artwork sales goes directly to them. Check out their page.
Much love,

Another first for me..

I finished my first 5k yesterday

with my Bootcamp Family members.

 I showed up to this event with shin splints, a sweet shirt, a smile and a ton of fears. (Not finishing, failing, hurting myself, looking stupid in front of my peers).

Throughout the race I kept a good pace for myself.. I think, I know I could have done better..(Next time!!!)  First of all, I wore 2 pairs of socks. Terrible idea! I actually had to stop to take off the 2nd pair because they made my feet hurt so bad. I also failed to take a suggestion to get new insoles until I could get a new pair of shoes. The bottoms of my feet felt like blisters, my shins were on fire. I wanted to give up. My head started to tell me I couldn't do this. Everyone else was better at this than me, but then I told myself.. they're at a different level of conditioning than I am. I could see all of my teammates in front of me and when they passed me on the way back I cheered them on as they cheered me on.

When I finally made it to where you turn around I decided mentally this is when I needed to really push myself. I tried to walk less, run more. One of my trainers had given me a time of 50 mins that he wanted me to stay under. So, a bit frantic I kept looking at my watch and pushing through that pain that made me want to quit so badly. I was running side by side by one of my bootcamp family members on the way back and even though we weren't talking I knew we were both mentally pushing each other to continue. People who had already finished the race before us started lapping us. I started to see a couple of my Bootcamp family members running to do another lap, shit. I was quite frustated at this point and just wanted to keep pushing forward to the finish. Then I realized, they weren't coming to lap us.. they were coming to push us, to support us, to show us we can do it. I started to tear up as soon as I realized that, because here I thought they thought of me as weak, when they just wanted me to see how strong I really am. Okay, keep going!!! My body said stop but they said no..YOU'VE GOT THIS. So, I went and when I crossed that corner i've never ran so fast in my entire life. I wanted that so damn bad. The feeling of accomplishment I felt when I crossed that finish line was by far one of the BEST feelings i've ever felt. I will NEVER forget it.

 The best part you ask?

Being 150% sure they would have carried me across that finish line if I hadn't been able to.

Thank you!!

First 5k time 44:20

Friday, September 7, 2012

One day at a time..3 months later

I've spent my whole life being that girl that was overweight or in my own head never good enough. I was never good enough for me.
In May 2010 I was "diagnosed" with Fibromyalgia, a wide spread chronic body pain. At 23 years old I could barely walk or couldn't walk. Long story short, I ended up in FL, did 8 months of treatment for it. My dr told me not to do any strenuous work outs. I could walk on the treadmill (no incline) or ride the bike. That lasted a whole nano second. I got extremely bored with no progress. PLUS, he kept putting me on "soup detox diets" to get a head start on my weight loss and those didn't do anything! (Well, besides irritate me!) :)
I thought it was my fate to be overweight the rest of my life. I knew even though my Dr told me.. "Kaitlyn, if you don't change your lifestyle you WILL have diabetes by the time your 27 and you will be walking with a cane by the time your 30." I accepted that as my fate. It was what it was.
Well, back at home where i'm from there's this awesome place called OBX bootcamp. A bunch of my friends and neighbors were joining it and loving it! I could see the results and they were so genuinely happy to be working out. I wanted what they had. I told myself even though I wanted to join I would NEVER be at that level. My Dr told me so. Dr's are always right, right?
So, in June 2012 I came across a living social deal for a bootcamp coupon. How stoked was I? STOKED, so stoked. So, me being the girl who loves a good deal I totally signed up. "Even if it doesn't work out at least I didn't pay full price."
My first day.. 15 mins in I dipped and hid in the stairwell..telling myself I was okay with what I had done. Knowing damn well that wasn't true or I wouldn't be hiding!!!!
Second day.. Oh dear sweet baby jesus..TOE taps??!?! Running up that parking garage hill????!?  Kill me now. I repeated over and over and over.. "I just want to die." (p.s. taking phone calls during bootcamp is a HUGE no-no.) :)
So, as you guys can probably guess, I quit. 2 days in..I quit. "I just can't do it."
I decided about a monthish later that I was going to write the BC.... "Hi there.. I purchased a living social package and I went for one day like 2 weeks ago.. and I gave up on myself because I didn't do very well. I was wondering if it's possible I can continue my month or if I can't due to waiting so long."
So, the owner talked me into another "deal" and I was back.

July 5th
The real start.. I came and I did what they asked to the "best" of my ability (or so I thought). I started with getting measured and sitting down with the owner and a fellow PBC associate/bootcamper. I listened, talked, laughed and played the same game I always do. Until, the owner goes "You know what? I can already tell what this is going to be. You're one of the ones that are like *shrugs shoulders* eh maybe i'll do it or maybe I won't" Holy pissed. I was like how dare he say such things to me. He doesn't know me!! Clearly, he knew me better than I thought he did.
I said to myself, "I'll show him!!!! I can't WAIT to get to bootcamp." ha..he won.
He said "Would you die for this?"
Here I am 2 months later and i've never been happier. With the love and support my bootcamp family gives me my life is completely different. I look forward to working out, to seeing them, to laughing with them, to making memories with them, to watching us all change our day at a time.
I fight the process like a good Leo does.. but as long as I NEVER quit..i'll be okay.

P.S. Today, I would die for this. My life is worth living.

P.P.S. Do you know what it feels like to have your trainer tell you your like a machine? Or a guy to tell you that I KILLED it in TURBO toe taps? I never thought I would.. PBC has changed my life..and it's ONLY getting better.
My life has changed so drastically in only 3 months..

It started June 18th with the picture on the left and the picture on the right was taken August 13th.

This is how I will take all of my pictures for my "after" pictures (see above).  I'm learning to love my body one day at a time. I NO longer fear my pouch.
This picture above was take August 30th. I've never taken a picture of myself in a bathing suit like this. I've always hidden behind something or someone or behind clothing.
I will NOT hide anymore.

This is me..
for now.

Thank you for everything thus far Jared, Zach, Chris, Brenna, and the other trainers..and to my bootcamp family who pushes me and has shown me I can do ANYTHING I put my heart and soul into.

Love you guys,
- Kaitlyn "Burpee" Alley

Fears vs DREAMS...

What's your biggest fear?


What's your GREATEST dream????